Trying hard to fit among you
by lovecanbesostrange
Summary: The week doesn't start out so great for Santana at first, she is still struggling being out. But a week filled with spending time with the other glee kids might finally convince her, that she has friends that got her back. Canon couples.


**Trying hard to fit among you**

**Spoilers:** Up to 3x08 "Hold on to Sixteen", because that's when I started mapping this out and it's really only important that the girls are back with ND and Sam is there.

**Couples:** All the canon couples - Tike, Finchel, Klaine and hints of Samcedes. It's mostly Brittana, but I try to include everyone.

**Genre:** Focused on friendship, but this isn't all sunshine and roses for Santana, the word angst is way too big for it though. Still, if you can't stand the thought of her being bullied after the commercial, this might not be the story for you (also the "all the horrible crap I've been through in my life" line will be revisited later on).

**Author's Note: **The title is taken from "When I grow up" by Garbage. I just want to give Santana some room to grow and really get, that glee club is there for her. Not because they are the good guys, but because they are actually her friends. The word count for each chapter might vary a lot, but… let's see where this will go. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Glee is not mine, never will be and this is for fun only.

/

It was Monday, just after lunch break, but Santana begged whatever higher power would listen for this week to end already. Sure, in her mind everything could still be worse. Nobody was hanging her on the flagpole by her underwear or tossing her into the dumpster. She had flinched a couple of times when someone with a slushee walked nearby, but lately more and more kids seemed to actually drink that stuff and nothing had ended up in her hair - yet. Still there were the looks, the whispering, the occasional note thrown into her locker or some rather disgusting hand gestures thrown her way. And she already was so darn tired of it. Since nobody dared facing her up front, she couldn't lash out, she couldn't claw somebody's eyes out or just scream at the top of her lungs.

"Hey there", a male voice said from behind while she was opening her locker.

Santana turned around. "What's up, Frankenteen?" She knew better than to push any buttons, but it felt wrong to not give Finn any kind of nickname. And he knew, so he smiled in response.

"Actually nothing, just walked by and… uhm… ", he looked left and right, avoiding her gaze. "Wanted to see how you're doing." He seemed to feel uncomfortable.

"I'm fine." Her voice had this edge of defense in it, it was more of a reflex, because Santana knew that Finn really only wanted to do the right thing. "Oh, maybe you have some use for this." She grabbed the piece of paper that had been posted on her locker this morning. She usually waited to the end of the school day to throw out all the garbage that might pile up.

"What is th…" Finn turned the paper around and was faced with a Playboy bunny that didn't leave anything to the imagination. His ears turned red and he quickly folded the paper. "Santana, why would you-"

"Someone in this school is really worried I don't get my fair share of boobs." She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess the slutty centerfold isn't your type either. Do me a favor and throw that in the trash then." She grabbed the book she came here for and closed her locker, ready to get going to class.

"Will do. And if… well, if you…" Finn was obviously reaching for words to show his support. Santana was about to make a snide comment about how she didn't need his pity too, but then he changed his approach. "Maybe we could do something. Together I mean, hang out. Let me know if you want to." And with that he was gone. Santana stood there a couple of seconds. That hadn't been an invitation to a date, not even Finn Hudson was that thick. It had been a genuine offer of… what, friendship?

The thought stayed with Santana all day. Brittany referred to the glee club as family. It really was the one place Santana had felt good about herself for the past years, despite how she behaved outwardly. But even though she had spent a lot of free time with the various members the word "friendship" wasn't rooted that deep in her vocabulary. Could this whole mess she was in really change that? When she walked into the choir room she took a moment to really look at the people around her. Friends? Yes, she did care for them, even liked them, even though it would take some torture for her to admit that upfront. But still she never got the impression, that those feelings were entirely mutual. She was the bitch of this group, the one others tolerated, because she was hot piece of action, had a killer voice and they needed all the help they could get.

Brittany was sitting in the back row, talking to Mike. As soon as Santana sat down beside her, the blonde turned around to greet her with a smile. Their hands reached for each other without thinking about it. Brittany knew that Santana shyed away from too much public affection, even in the secure confinement of glee club, but linking their pinkies grounded her. It made her relax and even though they rarely talked about all the little unpleasant encounters Santana had during school hours, Brittany knew. And more important, she understood.

"Mike just asked if I'd be up for some dancing this afternoon. He has so many moves he wants to share with me." Her eyes phrased the actual question. _Do you wanna do something afterwards, do you need me or would it be okay for me to hang out with Mike?_

"Sounds great, you seemed a bit bored during Cheerio practice, maybe he can give you a real challenge." Santana smiled at Mike. It actually made her happy seeing these two dance together. They were amazing. Everything they did looked so effortlessly and carefree.

"I'll try my best." But before Mike could say anything further Mr Schue walked in, clapping his hands to get their attention.

"A new week lies ahead and I know just the way to get all the tension out of this room."

The kids started to look at each other. Tension? They seemed to be doing fine just now. Everyone was back to New Directions and they felt stronger than ever before. Nonetheless Mr. Schue wrote the word "sorry" on the white board.

"The last weeks have been hard on all of us. We all did things we are not proud of." He looked from one to the other and finally stretched his arms out. "Me included. At the start of this year I said we had to be a team, to be united. But I have failed to really meet your needs and pushed a bit too far at times. For that", he gave a little bow. "I am sorry."

Santana wasn't sure who started the clapping, her money was on Sugar. She couldn't bring herself to really join in though. Will had addressed all of them, he didn't single out anyone, but Santana could think of more than one thing Will should apologize to her for. Three slow claps was all he would get from her at this moment.

"Now, this week isn't about blame, it's not about pointing out others weaknesses, I want you to forgive and be forgiven, so we all can focus on what lies ahead. Regionals!"

The meeting went by rather quickly, Santana lost in her own thoughts of what song might express what she had to say about the matter. Mercedes caught her afterwards.

"Santana, what do you think, we are allowed to do a group number, so maybe we should take the chance? Grab Brittany and Sugar and make this our official comeback to New Directions?"

"You mean the four of us begging for some forgiveness?"

"Kinda. But with more sass and less groveling."

"Sure, they better be sorry they ever let us go in the first place."

The girls did a quick high five. Santana wondered, when exactly had she and Mercedes become this close? It wasn't just singing amazing duets as Troubletones together. She genuinely cared for her opinion and she remembered how concerned Mercedes had been before they performed that Adele mash-up. They bounced some song ideas around until Mercedes said she had to go for a study date.

Santana was the last to leave the choir room. Brittany had promised to call her later, but she was curious what the two dancers were up to. So instead of going home she decided to take a peek. Soft music flooded the hallway as she reached the mirrorwalled room. Mike was lifting Brittany up, it almost looked like a ballet figure. But when he let her down it turned into something more Rock'n'Roll.

"Yay, you did it!"

Santana hadn't noticed Tina sitting there, who now cheered the two on. She didn't plan to watch for long, but if they already had a viewer Santana didn't see any harm in sitting down for a bit.

"Hi, Santana."

"Hey, no injuries yet?"

"No, Mike's always catching her in time, don't you worry."

"Please, I would trust him to catch Puck before his mohawk could hit the floor."

"Might be a good thing if he got dropped on his ridiculous hairdo."

Santana looked at Tina with surprise in her eyes. "Girl-Chang, you did not just make fun of the mighty Puckfasa."

"No, just the dead animal that lives on his head." A beat and then both girls had to let out a laugh. "I don't want to be mean, but someone has to get that mohawk back in shape."

"Maybe we should give Lauren a call."

"Can't you make fun of it in front of him? You can be pretty scary if you want to."

"I don't think it's my call to make, but thank you, I take that as a compliment."

Mike and Brittany started the sequence once again and the girls just watched them for a while. The steps became more sure and the two moved with more and more grace like a unit.

"Now I remember why I was jealous of them last year", Tina muttered.

"Jealous? What? Why?"

"When they practiced for Valerie. They are so in tune. I'm not bad of a dancer, but what Brittany can do…"

"Yes, she really is something", Santana said dreamily. _Smooth, Lopez. Wanna drool a bit to mop the floor, too?_ , she scolded herself. "I mean, they are. Together. Amazing. But you're right, you are good. I think you'd stand a chance for Cheerio tryouts."

Tina gave a little laugh.

"Right, me a cheerleader, so not gonna ha…" She looked at Santana, who always wore her uniform with pride. "Sorry, thank you, but no, thank you."

Santana just shrugged her shoulders. She had a lot of possible comeback lines to defend her status as a cheerleader, as head cheerleader nonetheless. But there really was no need. Tina was okay in her book. They had fun during "West Side Story" rehearsals and she hadn't hesitated when Santana had asked her to compose an original song together (Tina hadn't even tried to talk her out of doing Trouty Mouth). She wasn't sure if Tina was cheerleader material, but her moves for glee were pretty smooth.

Brittany's laugh snapped Santana out of her thoughts. Mike was twirling her around like crazy. When had they put on another song? She really couldn't say, but Tina stood up and interjected the couple.

"Can I borrow this dance from my boyfriend?"

"Sure", Brittany laughed and came over to Santana. "You came, that's so sweet." Before she could sit down though, Santana grabbed her hand and started dancing right next to Mike and Tina. At first Brittany was a bit puzzled but seeing the look on Santana's face, an actual happy smile, she let go. The four just goofed of, even changed partners, tried some ballroom dancing steps and had fun.

It stopped when a slow blues number came on that didn't call for much actual movement, but rather swaying back and forth in close proximity. That was the moment Santana went back to where she had placed her binder.

"I'm exhausted", she said, not caring if anyone bought that. If this had been her or Brittany's bedroom there would have been more dancing going on that possibly led to other stuff. But not in school, not with other people around. And Brittany didn't question her for it.

"I'd like to go for dinner tonight", she said grabbing her bag. For the dancing she had changed out of her uniform and wanted to change back before she went home. "My Mom is still trying to cook the perfect stew for Rory with the recipe his mother sent and I can't stand it anymore."

"I haven't been to BreadstiX in a week."

"A whole week? Oh my God, are you fighting your addiction?" Brittany said in a mock voice.

Mike switched off the music and suddenly it was very quiet in the room. Santana would later blame this silence that allowed for the otherwirse very quiet inner voice to speak up.

"You guys wanna come? We're going to BreadstiX, around seven."

Mike and Tina exchanged a look.

"The four of us? Like you two and us two?" Tina kicked the outside of Mike's foot with her own. Santana nodded her head, more to reassure herself.

"Yes, the four of us… whatever…"

Brittany's face lit up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. She knew exactly what word would describe the situation best - a doubledate. Of course Santana would never say it out loud, but that was exactly what she was thinking about and it meant the world to Brittany that she didn't have to ask for it. She had been on doubledates with the Asian Fusion when she'd been with Artie and she enjoyed those immensely. Of course she had hoped to reach a point in her relationship with Santana where she would feel comfortable enough with letting anyone in on their - non-sexual - private time. But she wouldn't have guessed Santana was ready for such a step yet. Brittany was absolutely fine with giving Santana all the time and space she needed, but now she felt like bursting with joy. And with pride. Instead of tackling Santana into a bear hug - something Brittany was thinking about - she settled for quietly grabbing her hand and squeezing it tight. Santana just smiled with a shy nod. _Yes, it's a date and I want this_, was what it meant.

They decided to meet at BreadstiX, right after Santana had ordered a table then and there (she had the restaurant on speed dial afterall). In the parking lot Brittany stopped in front of Santana's car and took her left hand in both of hers.

"Can I ask you a favor on top of this?"

"I won't bail, Britt. I'll pick you up and we… do couply things with the Changs."

"Of course, I believe you want to do this, that's not even a question, but tonight, can we not wear the uniforms? Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. I get it, it makes you feel less vulnerable, but tonight I just want you, not the headcheerleader. I just want my girlfriend to go out with me and some of our friends."

Santana took a quick look around. She couldn't see anybody nearby and gave Brittany a kiss on the lips. Not long, nothing sexy, but an intimate touch nonetheless.

"No uniforms. It's a date-date."

/

Santana picked Brittany up five minutes late. That was her new routine, because she knew Brittany would get impatient and wait for her by the door. This way Santana tried to avoid meeting the Pierces. Brittany's parents had been so great to her all these years, but since she started to date Brittany, it felt weird. Especially now that they knew. She imagined not being seen as Brittany's friend anymore, but rather the-girl-who-does-the-naughty-with-our-little-angel. Luckily she believed that Brittany hadn't caught on to that fear yet and she wouldn't have to deal with that in the near future. As soon as the wheels stopped spinning the front door opened and Brittany came chasing out. Mrs. Pierce stood in the frame and waved at Santana. So she held up a hand to return the gesture as soon as Brittany pulled the door open and the light inside the car went on.

"Take care, girls."

"Always, Mom." With that Brittany settled in and with one swift motion closed the door and grabbed for the seatbelt. "Hi there."

"Hi yourself", Santana smiled as she started driving again. After a couple of minutes her right hand rested on her thigh, her fingers intertwined with Brittany's left. Neither could have said who had grabbed whose hand first, it was just the way it was supposed to be. Santana didn't even realize that the radio wasn't playing because the silence felt comfortable. When she pulled on the parking lot and turned off the ignition Brittany was already leaning over. A quick glance assured Santana nobody was around and the dim light casted more shadows than it illuminated anything anyway, so she leaned forward and greeted Brittany again. This time without words, but with a soft kiss. There are at least twenty different messages Brittany can deliver with a simple kiss, without even using her tongue. And this one Santana can decipher easily_. I'm here with you. Don't be afraid, I'm at your side._

Santana could have been worried that Brittany knew her so well. That she was this open book that Brittany knew inside and out. Plus it was ridiculous that she got worked up about this doubledate in the few hours between that goofy dancing and now. But while most people would have laughed about Santana's worrying, Brittany cared for her. She had sensed the tension, she only needed to take one look at Santana's face, brows slightly furrowed the whole drive through, the firm grip on the steering wheel and she knew that her girlfriend needed some reassurance - despite the fact they had been on a lot of doubledates already. But back then they both had their own dating partner to worry about. There even had been some going out that had involved Mike, because he was part of the football team. Still this was new territory, because now this wasn't for some badass reputation, this involved real feelings. And Santana was the most sensitive person Brittany knew when it involved actual feelings. So when they let their lips finally part, Brittany put on a smile and her blue eyes were just this ocean of love.

"Are you ready?"

"Starving."

"Butterflies have their taste buds in their feet", Brittany said as she climbed out of the car. Santana didn't even ask about it. This was a valid piece of information Brittany most likely got from one of the many animal documentaries she watched. The word starving had just started this chain reaction that ended with the butterflies in Brittany's stomach and it all connected. It was her way of letting Santana know, that she was nervous too about this - probably not for herself, but for Santana's sake. If others would listen more carefully to her girlfriend they would stop calling her stupid all the time.

Mike just pulled in next to them and practically jumped out.

"I thought we were almost too late, sorry."

"Don't fret it, the 'sticks won't go anywhere."

That comment had earned her a grin from Tina. But now that she was sitting across Santana in their booth she got a new perspective. Their drinks weren't even here and already that girl was eating her second breadstick.

"I think you're the first person I see actually eating one of those."

"One?" Brittany chuckled.

"What? They are the best thing about this joint. Crunchy, but not too crumbly. They are tasty, but don't dominate whatever food you might order and when you stash some at home they last for at least three days. Maybe longer, but none ever made it that long in my reach."

"I never knew…"

"Now you do." Santana took another one out of the holder and gave it to Tina. She shared a glance with Brittany before taking it and Brittany let out another chuckle. "Did I miss something?"

"No, no, go on, spread the word, all hail the breadsticks." Brittany was aware that Tina had commented on the fact that she didn't know this side of Santana. That she could be a dork sometimes. And Brittany also remembered some dates they had shared here before with two _boy_friends, after which she often would pack up five or six sticks even though she never ate one at the restaurant. Tina just finally made the connection why that had been such an important ritual for Brittany.

"Sorry, Santana, I think I'll stick to the appetizers."

Mike looked at her. "Please tell me you didn't make that lame joke on purpose." In response she just threw the last bit at him.

"What a waste…", Santana mumbled, but her groan was just for play. She enjoyed herself and her company. After all she knew Mike since freshman year and Tina had never given her reason to feel awkward. She could be down with this whole being social thing. It didn't compare to any previous experience. Santana had kept so many guards up at all times, concentrated on flirting with the boys she went out with, intimidating everyone else and practically forbidden herself to let go of control in any form. But a small dose of other people didn't seem so bad now.

They ordered their food and decided to split some side dishes, because everybody seemed to have set favorites and a little sharing could be fun. From time to time Tina would rest her head on Mike's shoulder and they exchanged some things from their plate the other was more likely to enjoy. All of this while the conversation revolved around school, glee, music in general or some very lighthearted topics. Santana didn't know when it happened exactly, but her right hand was firmly placed in Brittany's left under the table. And without warning Tina brought that up.

"I always thought that's cute about you two."

"What?" Santana felt like a dear in headlights. She didn't know what the other girl meant and was so not prepared for any defenses.

"Sorry, I didn't… it's just that you're able to eat without letting go of each other's hands. Like when you go down the hallway, pinkies linked. You're left-handed and you two just seem to fit together so well."

Brittany smiled and gave Santana's hand a little squeeze. She knew being caught this off-guard was one of the moments Santana had been worried about, but she wanted to reassure her that nothing bad could come out of this observation.

"Let me tell you a secret." Brittany leaned forward and stage whispered. "She isn't a lefty, I just trained her, so she would never have to let go of me. I got easily lost in elementary school."

A warm feeling washed through Santana. She knew her instant reaction would have been a crude remark, maybe even fleeing the scene altogether, but after how everything turned out tonight, after she enjoyed this dinner with friends and after Brittany took it upon herself to make a little joke on their behalf - everything was okay. Santana wasn't even embarrassed that Tina had mentioned the handholding that was going on outside her line of sight. Something had changed. Something small, yet so significant. Slowly Santana pulled her hand up, Brittany's fingers still intertwined with hers. She rested their hands on the table. No napkin, no cover, no comment to distract from the fact. Mike just smiled at them and that was that. Out of the corner of her eye Santana noticed that Brittany focused on the last pieces on her plate intently. Yes, she was holding back a thousand watt grin right there. She didn't want to make a big deal out of this gesture as long as somebody was around, but Santana knew anyway.

"I think I've never seen you coming late, Mike. What was the hold up?" Santana changed the topic with less to none finesse, but that didn't matter now.

"I was caught up in some homework. As much as I enjoy glee club, Schue's Spanish class just sucks. It took me a while to figure today's worksheet out."

Santana laughed. "Don't get me started on that one. Even I had to think about some of the phrases he puts on there. Let me know if you need help. I have a ton of vocabulary to share they don't teach you at school."

"And not all of it has to be yelled. It can sound quite nice, but I think I should pay more attention."

Santana shot Brittany a warning look, but only got a little smirk back in return. She knew when the limit was reached and didn't push further.

"Maybe we can translate Trouty Mouth for our greatest hits album." For that Santana simply had to high five Tina.

Mike had eaten the most part of the side dishes, Santana let the waiter keep coming with the breadsticks to stuff herself, so Brittany and Tina ended up sharing a desert. The talking died down, but it wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence. There was just no point in forcing a conversation. While Mike paid for him and Tina and Santana was worried for a split second someone would comment on the fact that she took on the rest of the bill. But nothing came. Her own mind was so set on all the things others could say that would make her hyperaware or could count as stereotypes of her sexuality, that she was almost one step ahead of others. And these two others really didn't care that they just finished a doubledate with two girls.

"This was nice", Tina said out on the parking lot. And Santana was glad she only needed to nod at that. "We should do this again sometime." Brittany was already giving Mike a goodbye hug, but the two other girls just looked at each other. Santana didn't do this touchy girly stuff and they both knew it. Except that Brittany knew that secretly Santana did like hugs, the problem was more she didn't know how to ask for them and was such an expert at pushing people away, that almost no one dared to initiate one. So after Brittany hugged Tina, she gave Santana a little nudge with her elbow. Yeah, okay, so this wasn't half bad. She had hugged Mike before anyway and it was a good first step of figuring out this whole friendship question that had hovered above her all day.

Back in the car Santana allowed herself another smile.

"I'm proud of you, you know that?" Brittany tugged some hair behind Santana's ear and let the back of her fingers brush across her cheek.

"I'm glad you got me to do this."

"No, that was all you. I didn't need to do anything. You invited them, remember?" Brittany's voice was calm, soothing.

"You suggested dinner first." Santana pulled out the parking lot and decided to take the longer route, so they could spend a couple of more minutes together.

"I also suggested trying to jump from my treehouse with makeshift wings made out of sheets and cardboard once."

"And I'm still glad I talked you out of that one."

"We will never know if that would have worked out now." Brittany's hand trailed along Santana's arm, searching her hand again. "But we do. Work out, I mean. I like that."

"You and me both, Britt."

The lights in the Pierce home were turned off, only a blue shimmer could be seen which meant Brittany's parents were in the living room facing the backside of the house. Santana parked in the driveway and unfastened her seatbelt. She leaned over to give Brittany a goodnight kiss that turned into about ten more minutes of close contact. The front seats weren't cut out for much cuddling, but despite the fact it was slightly uncomfortable it was pretty great.


End file.
